“If
this life has anything to gain at all, I’ll count it lost if I can’t hear you
feel you, cause I need you…” rang my amazing ringtone by Lecrae.
I
picked up the sleek darling to see who misses me. It was this pretty friend of
mine.
Ada
(Not real name) and I met at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka in our first
year. We had a lot in common and she was just my type (whatever that means)
LOL. Anyway, I was (and still am) literally and figuratively in love
with God and I noticed her heart was committed to God and His standards too.
Well,
we graduated four years later and you know how life happens. We haven’t really
kept in touch for a while. I heard sometime back that she was engaged and I
called to say congratulations. We talked about how life had been
since after school and how we both are still fervently loving and serving the
Lord. She said her wedding was three months away and I told her I definitely
needed the aso-ebi (A uniform material sold to people who wish to attend an
event).
This
day, Ada had called to ask me a simple question. “Why do loose girls marry
faster?” I went, “okay, why are you asking?”
She
said, “Princess please just answer my question.”
I
picked my pen and hit on the desk repeatedly. I wasn’t sure where she was
driving at with that. I also didn’t think I had the answer at the time.
Therefore, all I could say was, “Babe, is everything okay?”
My
friend busted in tears on the other end.
“Hello,
Hello, Ada, what’s going on?” I asked.
“Everything
is going on, Princess. My fiancé, He He…” call dropped.
I
thought he died or he had an accident. I just couldn’t imagine and so I called
back. The phone rang repeatedly without response. I later got a text from Ada
asking that we meet.
The
next day, we met at Apapa Mall. We got straight to the gist and babe bagan to
download.
Her
fiancé had impregnated an Ex of his and their wedding plans are crushed as the
girl insists he must wed her instead. My friend was devastated. She had sold
her aso-ebi and everyone knew the wedding was a month away now.
Ada
was in tears at this point.
I
just sat still beside her and held her closely. I could only pray for the right
words
.
How
long have you known your fiancé?”I managed to speak. “Almost 3 years” Ada
replied.
She
pulled away from me to blow her nose into the handkerchief. A few people were
beginning to notice us. I managed to put up a bright face so no one would come
asking us questions.
“I’ve
been faithfully serving God, Princess. Why is getting married difficult? I kept
myself. I’ve honoured God and He couldn’t prevent this embarrassment from
happening?” Ada lamented.
“Is
it a crime to wait to have sex? Is it a crime? Answer me princess?! She
yelled.
I
managed to shake my head while trying to get her to calm down. You know how
“aprokos” can just gather around a crying lady. I definitely didn’t want us to
create a scene.
“Now
my fiancé's parents say he must marry his Ex because they don't
want to have any grand child outside wedlock” Ada continued.
She
began to table a list of ladies she knew were sleeping around and how they were
all married. She just couldn’t stop asking, “why do loose girls marry faster?”
Perhaps
you are a devoted Christian single lady dating or not dating and this question
has crossed your mind at some point. You’ve been expecting to get married and
it just hasn’t come yet or it came and someone snatched it from under your
nose. Well, time won't permit me to talk about the character defect
in men who get "snatched" in the manner Ada's Fiance' got pulled off
(That's gist for another day)
However,
I just want to put a few things in perspective for those of you who might be
secretly asking that question, “why do loose girls marry faster?”
THE TRUE SOURCE OF THAT
QUESTION
May
I remind you that life is a journey and even though we are all on it, we aren’t
all going to the same place?
Perhaps
you’ve forgotten that we all have our own route mapped by the choices we make.
Alright! Enough of parables.
Let
me show you the true source of that question
1. Comparison: So every girl you know that sleeps around
seems to find a husband once they are ready right? Nobody forced you to stay
chaste. You chose to because you believe
God’s instruction is for the best. Since you made the honourable choice to do
it God’s way what wisdom is it in comparing yourself with people who chose to
do otherwise? 2 Corinthians 10:12
Read: Comparison
Read: Comparison
2. Judgmental Spirit: So you’ve brought that girl on your street
to book and you’ve found her deserving of no husband. You thinking she’s had
her fair share of the men after all. LOL Let me remind we are in no place to
judge and if getting married was a “gift” from God, shouldn’t we let him choose
who to bless? Mathew 7:1
Read: Are you ruining your future by these?
Read: Are you ruining your future by these?
3. Distrust in God’s wisdom: As light as this might seem, it’s a grave sin.
That question makes you believe that God is partial and doesn’t care about you
who pay attention to his precepts. Romans 2:11
While there are “loose” girls
who got married when they wanted, there are also “virgins” who got married
pretty early and equally have good homes. So your single hood isn’t enough to
negate God’s ability to be faithful. Never should you judge His love, faithfulness and
commitment to you by events in your life. God is in a class of His own remember?
Believers must not allow these three viruses to perch on their hearts. These
viruses have the capacity to compel one to make deadly choices at the edge of
their long awaited testimony.
Read: 3 sure ways to get what you wish for
Read: 3 sure ways to get what you wish for
THE REALITY YOU HAVE IGNORED
So you’ve spent time allowing the enemy plant those ugly viruses into
your heart. I would like you to remember these truth
1. Marriage
is not the reward: God promised us many beautiful things in
scripture but there is no place in the bible where it is written that if you
serve the Lord faithfully, He will give you a husband or a wife as a reward. You
are called to love the Lord with all that you are and serve Him completely
because He called you unto Himself and Loves you not because you will get
rewarded with marriage. Our reward for being faithful to God and His Kingdom is
way beyond all the glories and comfort of this world. Your spiritual
inheritance in Christ is heavier than a marriage. Trust me; it will be useless
if ALL we labor for is simply to get marriage as our reward. While one might be
honoured or privileged to enjoy the bliss of a spouse on earth, we must never
forget that marriage for a believer is supposed to aid the fulfillment of purpose
not an end in itself. If marriage was that important, it should be one of the
things that we would get in heaven alongside the crown of life and the others.
Revelation 3:12, James 1:12
So sister, stop belittling the worth of your
labour of love to a temporal earthly event.
Read: The Vertical Principle
Read: The Vertical Principle
2.
God’s plan for you is eternal: God’s plan for you is beyond the now. That you
are single at the moment or have been single longer than you thought doesn’t mean
God forgot to include vital parts of your life into his plan. God’s plan for
you is perfect and like I said earlier, it’s a journey and we must learn to enjoy
where we are on the way to where we are going. Jeremiah 29:11
3.
God’s Love for you is stable: Unlike the love we give as humans, God's love is
reliable and stable. You can count on Him and trust that it’s for your best
when you can’t see nor understand it. So stop thinking that God is punishing
you for something you did wrong or that God isn’t noticing you, or even that
you have to do something extra to win His love. Jeremiah 31:3, 1 Samuel 12:22
4.
Things aren’t always the way they seem: Sin has consequences on earth and in death;
just as righteousness has consequences on earth and in death. Folks who dishonor
God with their bodies don’t often tell us what they have to go through. David
says, in Psalms 37: -9
“Do not fret because
of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass
they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away. Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and
enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and he
will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do
this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication
like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait
patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways,when they
carry out their wicked schemes.Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;do not
fret—it leads only to evil. For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those
who hope in the Lord will inherit the land”
To you on the outside, life seems better. You don’t know about their
internal struggles. There is always a consequence for dishonoring God. That
they seem to have a perfect life right now doesn’t mean pay day won’t come on earth
or in death. So prioritize honouring God. You are not in
a marriage competition with anyone!
Read: Single at 25?
Read: Single at 25?
5. God knows your desire: Okay sis, stop the muse. God knows exactly
what you want and though it seem late in your eyes, it will come someday soon and even if it doesn't come, we will still choose the Lord forever. However, You have a devoted God who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all
you could ask, think or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). This all able God knows the
desires of your heart and He says it won’t be cut short (dashed, disappointed)-Proverbs
23:18. The desire for a spouse was placed inside of us by God and He knows how
and when He will fulfil that desire. Until then, be encouraged and don’t forget
“For
God is not unrighteous to
forget your work and labour of love, which ye have showed toward his name, in
that ye have ministered to the saints, and do minister.” Hebrews 6:10
I pray you find the strength to wait for the man who truly deserves an amazing woman like you!
Committed to your wholeness,
Anne Atulaegwu
Anne Atulaegwu |
God bless you Anne.... God will continue to increase you in wisdom.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you Anne.... God will continue to increase you in wisdom.
ReplyDeleteAmen! Thank you for reading Josh!
DeleteThere is not a better time for a reminder as candid as the write up I have just read. Kudos!! marriage is not by itself an end but a means to one. It's way better to view marriage as part of God's collective purpose for your life than as a ceremonial item in the list of events that should as a matter of "order" happen in your life that way most importantly, it will be difficult to miss it. God bless the writer.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you more Ife! I enjoyed reading your summary more ma. Lol
DeleteBravo!!! Beautiful write up, both in language and content! What more can I say? Every single woman or man must be dissuaded from this mindset, enabled by our culture, to glamorize about marriage as a peak goal for life's fulfillment. In the end, there's always at least a disappointment of expectations even in the most 'perfect' marriages. The more we flourish in accomplishing destiny assignments as singles, the less disappointed and happier we would be with or without marriage. Indeed our lives have far bigger meaning that just a fantastic marriage.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you Anne.
Thanks for reading, Man of God!
ReplyDeleteI have been so busy but couldn't avoid reading this. It is one of its kind. Keep it going Anne.
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading Izu! Grace is multiplied unto you for all you do!
Deletewow ....right word for the season.thankyou ma'am for being such a blessing and an inspiration
ReplyDeleteThank you so much ma!
DeleteNice write ups dear inspired by it God bless you ma
ReplyDeleteAmen! Hugs
ReplyDeleteThank you so much ma!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are welcome!!
Delete