 |
| GUEST POST BY MATTHEW 'FEMI ADEDOYIN |
The
number of gays, lesbians and bisexuals who visit our office is increasing by
the day.
Some do
not know how they started getting attracted to the same sex while some got
introduced to it by peers and colleagues.
Some
started the act because they are looking for acceptance. For some, it was a way
to get back at their parents.
Some watched
it on the TV while some others see it as a way to express rebellion.
Many
whom I have had the privilege of working with have different reasons and
excuses but one thing they have in common is that THEY ARE SEEKING FOR LOVE.
See, we
all have the tendency to become anything depending on what we see and hear
consistently, especially in our formative years. At two, a child begins
individuating and by age twelve, the child becomes an individual. This means
that the formative years (character and value development age) of a child start
from two and end by the time the child clocks twelve. In the formative years,
the child needs mentoring and modelling. You do exactly what you teach and
teach exactly what you do. In these formative years, the child needs your
presence more than your presents.
So many
contradicting literatures on whether people are born gay/lesbian or not exist.
However, one of the consistent facts in all of these literature is that a
simple and singular determinant for sexual orientation has not been
conclusively demonstrated. Various studies point to different and conflicting
positions but the social factor is a common theme in all scientific and
psychology hypotheses.
The
social factor which can be linked to our upbringing, environment and
significant emotional experiences is the common factor in all scientific and
psychology hypotheses on the subject of sexual orientation. This means that we
learnt our sexual orientation here on earth. Sexual orientation is about
behaviour and behaviours are learnt and can be unlearnt. Hear Dr Lawrence S.
Meyer, a scholar in the Department of Psychiatry at The Johns Hopkins
University School of Medicine: 'While some are under the impression that sexual
orientation is an innate, fixed, and biological trait of human beings – that
whether heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual, we are ‘born that way’- there is
insufficient scientific evidence to support that claim. In fact, the concept of
sexual orientation is ambiguous; it can refer to a set of behaviours, to
feelings of attraction, or to a sense of identity... One environmental factor
that appears to be correlated with homosexuality and non-heterosexuality is
childhood sexual abuse victimization…'.
Another
research published on 31st August, 2017 by Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and
Gays (PFOX) stated that 'Many ex-gays will tell you that at one point in their
life they thought they were "born gay". The reality is that no scientific
evidence has established a genetic cause for homosexuality or found a "gay
gene". There is no DNA or medical test to determine if a person is
homosexual. Sexual orientation is a matter of self-affirmation and public
declaration. "Gay" is a self-chosen identity'.
So, can
your child be gay, lesbian, bisexual or asexual? YES! Denying the possibility
is living in denial of the reality of the 21st century and not preparing to
have adequate knowledge on what to do should that happen. Who knows if your
child is even gay, lesbian, bisexual or asexual right now but is not bold
enough to tell you yet?
In
2010, I wrote a proposal about teaching teenagers sexuality education to a
church but the Pastor told me, 'our teenagers are filled with the Holy Spirit.
They don’t need sexuality education. They know they can’t be having sex until
they are married'. Six months later, I received a call from that Pastor. Guess
what? His daughter and his niece were caught making out with each other. It
turned out that daughter and his niece are lesbians. The possibility that your
child can be homosexual in this century is more than it was in the 19th
century. So, you need adequate knowledge and the courage to teach your child
about this reality.
Sexual orientation is more of a behavioural
cognition learnt from the highest influencer in our formative years, from what
we see and hear in our environment, from people who came into our lives at one
point or the other and from our significant emotional experiences.
So,
what do you do when you hear that your child is gay, lesbian, bisexual or
asexual? Well, show that child love like never before. Where all therapies and
other things fail, love never fails. Discovering that your child has a sexual
orientation that is not normal to you is not a reason to kill the child or
start running from pillar to post. It is time to make the child feel loved like
never before.
I
remember working with one gay at a time. Although I did not have enough tools
to help him, one thing I had and still have is love. I showed him love with
reckless abandon and he is fine today.
You
must understand that sexual orientation is a behavioural issue and behavioural
issues need behavioural solutions. You
cannot pray your way out of what you behaved yourself into. If you behaved into
it, you have to behave out of it. Sometimes the only prayer you need is
adequate knowledge on what to do and how to do it.
Family
time is very crucial at this time. The family needs to bond together to
consciously and intentionally build family values and a code of conduct that
will act as a compass on how every member of the family should live. The family
needs to bond more and the child needs to see that you love him irrespective of
what is happening. As a parent, use the tool of friendship to get your
children’s trust so that they can openly and freely share their struggles with
you.
If you
have not been teaching your child about sexuality education, you are wrong. The
best time to start was when your children were 2 years old but the next best
time to start is now. Start teaching them sexuality education. You need to know
what to teach and how to teach what you know. Our organization, Resurged Mind
Company has the most effective age appropriate sexuality education. You can
consult us to train you and/or your children.
Finally,
consult a therapist. Just as doctors treat your body, therapists treat your
mind. A person can be said to be well when he is whole in the body, mind and
spirit. I have been working as a therapist for over 9 years now. I have tested
and effective tools that can help your child break free from that sexual
orientation. Let’s help your child have a healthy sexuality.
You
matter to me...
Let me
help you through.
Matthew
‘Femi-Adedoyin
Sex/Addiction
Recovery Therapist
February,
2018
Lagos,
Nigeria
Matthew ‘Femi-Adedoyin is a Family Life Coach, Sex Recovery Therapist and Psychologist. He is a dynamic and prolific teacher, humorist, strategist, maverick and blend of gifts.
He is a certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Master Results and Performance Consultant whose forte lies in Family Systems, Neurocognitive Consonance, Effective Parenting, Quantum Linguistics, Child/Developmental Psychology, Sexuality and Gender Education, Sex and Addiction Recovery Therapy, Advanced neurological re-patterning, Results technologies and Ericksonian and Elman's style hypnosis.
He is one of the youngest and finest sex recovery experts in Africa. He is referred to as the “Apostle of Sexology” due to his ardent fight for human sexual purity and a healthy sex life.
APOSTLE as he is fondly called is an acronym for Abstainer, Preacher, Oracle, Speaker, Trainer, Leader and Engineer. He is the Principal Consultant at Abstinence Icon Resource Consult, a child/youth advocacy, family life and sex recovery consultancy firm with a mandate to raise sexually pure leaders, build healthy homes and heal ailing families. He also doubles as the lead trainer/facilitator at Matthew Adedoyin Company.
His articles have been featured on many local and international magazines, newsletters, newspapers, bulletins and online media platforms. He is the publisher of www.matthewadedoyin.com, an online journal where he shares his thoughts as he sees the world.
He is married to his sweetheart, Fidelia 'Femi-Adedoyin.
Connect with Mathew here
Comments
Post a Comment