WISE COUNSEL TO QUESTIONS SINGLES ASK - PART 1

The difference between being at peace in a relationship and having your heart troubled till you can't breathe is in the counsel you heed to.

I've seen beautiful relationships even marriages crumble because  one or both of them listened to a "thus says the Lord, that's not your husband/wife". 

While I believe that God leads us in the area of marriage, He doesn't expressly tell everyone who to marry. There are some people he told.  However, he has placed wisdom pillars on our path to help make the right decisions.

The questions below are asked by real people I have  met on my ministry journey. 

I will keep adding to it as I find the time to write here. 

For now, I hope these ones would help hold the torch as you search the truth for your specific situation.

Question 1 

 If you have someone coming to you for a relationship who takes alcohol like one or two bottles, doesn't get drunk on it and says he is a Christian. Can this person be classified as a good Christian man?

Anne's counsel

If he meets the definition  I shared on how to spot a good man, he is a good Christian man. Drinks don't define a good man or a Christian. On a personal note, I prefer men who don't drink. Choose based on your own preferences.

Question 2

I have been friends with this guy for 4 years before we started dating last year. He asked me out when I was in school but since it wasn't my plan to date in school, I said no. We finally started dating few months after I graduated. But before I agreed to date him, I prayed to know if he was the one but I don't know God's will about that because I wasn't used to hearing Him. I really want to know whether to continue with this relationship or not. How I can clearly hear from God regarding my relationship?

Anne's counsel

Practice hearing from God and obeying in the little everyday things such as when to wake up to Pray.

You can only hear God on the big things if you've been listening and obeying on the small things.

For this guy, you may not expressly hear God, but you can sense. His leadings.

👉Are you at peace in your heart?

👉Does he encourage your relationship with God?

👉Are you  compromising when together? 

👉Does he fit  into your vision? Do you fit into his?

👉 Have you met his people? Do they like you? Do your people like him?

👉 Do you agree on important things such as values, doctrine/faith, general outlook on life matters? 

These are few questions to consider for clarity as you get started on knowing God's will.

Question 3 

 I have a good man who loves me and is caring. Sadly, he is not spirit guided. I've talked to him about being led by the spirit although I know I'm still a learner too. You know, we rise by lifting others. I want to know if I should drop him totally and focus on God or keep trying to. I heard a voice saying he's not for me but I'm just so scared that I might not find something as beautiful as what we have.

Anne's counsel

Babes, when did you become the governor of the council of the Holy ghost on his life?  

Chill jare (please).

Pray for him and for yourself too.  He will grow and learn to follow God's leading.

*Disclaimer* This is based on the assumption that everything else is in order in the relationship and that the guy is  actually born again

Question 4

I met this guy during my NYSC in 2018 and we started a relationship. The relationship has been going fine even after NYSC but last two months, God revealed to me his very ugly and dirty past which he did not tell me. God used the words "dirty" and "black" to describe him. Could that mean a NO from God?

Anne's Counsel

Yes and No. It could be God, it could also be the enemy projecting that to ruin the relationship.

God could have shown you because he needs you to bring it up with the guy and  learn the truth; especially because the truth could hold heavy consequences for you. 

So ask the guy. Decide based on how that goes. 

God will lead you.

Question 5

Is it advisable for a man to marry another wife because that is the only way he can make it in life?  Is the idea of marrying two wives advisable even if the man can take care of them? 

Anne's counsel

First, a man who wants to marry another wife because that is the only was he believes "he can make it" in life, is a disgrace to manhood. 

When did marrying a second wife automatically start elevating people from pauper to royalty? 

Second,

 1 Corinthians 7:2

But since there is so much immorality, each man should have *his own* wife, and each woman *her own* husband.

The bible didn't say " *their own*"  husband/wife (implying a group).

Question 6

If he is the type that loves sex but is a good man, How do you manage him since you can't yield to his demand? 

Anne's counsel

It simply shows you are both not operating on the same value system.

Be firm in your stand.
*If he doesn't agree with you then you are unequally yoked.*

Move on.

If he is serious, he should come and marry you.

Question 7

Can you elaborate on what you said, "purpose isn't discovered, it is revealed?"

Anne's counsel

The word ‘reveal’ means to show or tell a secret. This is different from ‘discover’ which is to find out a secret.

The major difference between revealed purpose and discovered purpose is this; While revealed purpose places emphasis on God as the one who makes known what He wants us to be or become, discovered purpose places emphasis on man as an independent purpose finder who needs no help.

The danger of discovered purpose is that a man on his own, may wrongly discover and adopt a purpose not made for him, just because its trending and he can do it.

The above is an excerpt from the book, Prothesis (An exposition on your destiny). I dedicated a chapter to the subject.

Read: Anne's books

Question 8

How do I get a revelation of and fulfill my purpose? I really do not see areas that I'm talented in, or what I could do. I'm saved and really love God deeply.

Anne's counsel

Hearty Congratulations on being saved. That's the very first place to begin. I've answered your question on the links below.

The link between purpose and  your gift

The 4 W's of Purpose

How to step into purpose and Impart lives

Question 9

 Ma'am, I've gone through your profile and I'm truly amazed. I am someone who by the grace of God can be termed intelligent and I have a great passion for my studies.

Currently, I'm in my final year and i wish to further my studies before thinking marriage. For this reason, I've turned down two marriage proposals even without praying about them.

I'm beginning to have a rethink. Can there be any case where God can tell me to give up my studies? Am I doing the right thing by rejecting these proposals?

Anne's counsel

Thank you for going through my profile. 

God doesn't decide everything for us. We have the power to decide.

You made the decision not to accept those proposals based on your priority. Your choice is perfect. You've done nothing wrong.

However, marriage shouldn't stop you from furthering your studies.

Ask God for someone who will support you. Then, when a guy  comes for marriage, tell him your plans and how important it is to you. 

If he is willing to support you and demonstrates that he has integrity to keep his word, send me your wedding IV. 

I'm currently studying for my masters while married. There are many married women who are furthering their Education too. Marriage doesn't stop anything if you have a supportive spouse. I wish you God's best.

Question 10

Ma'am you mentioned that your husband is not as spiricoco as you. 

Most times, we are made to believe that our husbands must have the same knowledge as us.

A speaker emphasized that your husband must know more than you so he can teach you. The speaker referred to Ephesians 5:26, ..that the man washes the woman with the word..

I'm in a relationship with a really good man. We are both Catholics but I've gone on to know God more the Pentecostal way.

But now, because of all we've been taught, I feel like he's not a good fit for me because he doesn't know all that I know.

But this young man is good, meek, generous, down to support me in anyway, kind, very humble, has character, fears God so much and is very willing to learn.

The only thing is he doesn't know the much I know from my exposure to so many programs and teachings in my quest to know God more.

You also mentioned that God does not decide everything for us.

But I've been taught time and again in all these programs that it is God who decides everything for us.

This clashes so much with what I know and I feel stuck.

Because of this, I feel like this guy is not the perfect fit for me and that something is missing as we may not fit in the future.

Please what do you think about this?

I believe you'll have something of worth to tell me.

Anne's counsel

I understand how you feel.

A few questions to help you gain clarity.

Are you still a catholic?
Does he know you've began to explore Pentecostal?
How does he feel about this exploration? Is he comfortable ?
Is he also exploring?

If  the answer to all the above is yes, Why would you ditch him?
You are both on the same page.

Light (revelational understanding of God) is a privilege. We learn as we journey.

There are many things you also don't know about God .  What if he learns before you and ditches you as a result?
How would that look to you?

*The most important thing is that you are both willing to learn.* So share with him what you know and listen to him share too.

Next,

My dear, your husband should know however, there are women like us who "know *seemingly*  more than the average man or woman.

Should this knowledge disqualify our husbands from *washing us with the word"?*

*No!!*

Knowing more than a man does not automatically transfer leadership of the marriage to you.

Leadership which is part of "washing the woman with the word of God", is a mandate, not a public poll.

Who knows more than who is not important. *Knowledge is not supposed to make you puff up.*/ *proud*

You are supposed to bring that as an advantage into the marriage by sharing with your husband in humility, so that he too can climb up in God.

Remember that I said earlier, that light is a privilege?

Good.

Also, that my husband is not "spirococo" like me, does not mean that he doesn't have a burning relationship with Jesus.
He does.

we are on the same page on Pentecostal doctrines and He understands the dynamics of my consecration and the ministry under my watch.

He is also willing to sacrifice when necessary for me to freely go about my assignment.

These are the things that God looked at to choose him. Now I'm married to him,  I see him prove over and over again that He is the best guy for the job of being my husband.

It was not knowledge  that made him qualified.  I *seemingly* know more than him. Other people such as the pastors who came into my life  may know more than my husband, but God didn't go by who knows because all that isn't the point.

The heart of obedience, the capacity to cherish and respect for the dynamics of my calling is what God went by when leading me to my husband who over qualifies based on the aforementioned qualities.

He listens to me when we enter some realms. He understand my switch into the priestly realm and the everyday girl realm.

*He also teaches me*
Despite all the so-called "I know", my husband still  shares revelation from the word with me. Things I haven't seen or heard before.

Let me be honest with you, if God chose that man for you, he will upgrade him.

After we got married, my husband started  operating in prophetic gifts.

His eyes opened into the word of God way more than he has ever experienced in his life.

His dedication in church flew over the roof.

His tongues stepped up.

Who do you think did it?

*Jesus* did it.

I didn't even know. He was the one telling me, "Baby, it was not like this before you."

God upgraded my husband's level of  spiritual operations so he can have the required capacity to cover me.

*My husband's one word prayer carries weight over my life than my 7 days fasting.*

Not because he knows more than me,  but because *He is  lord* over me as a mandate.

So my dear, understand these things, lest you miss it looking for  spiricoco brother who have no compassion, just knowledge. You also don't want to be with someone who loves only God and ministry but doesn't love you.

The bottom line is this,  let God lead you. If he is leading you, He will work on the person. 

Are you Single and have had your heart broken?  Looking to heal up quickly and get hooked with your good man? Sign up for Broken Stilettos Mentoring class. Learn More

Committed to your fulfilment

Anne Emeka-Obiajunwa